If He's Dumped You, Delete Him From Your Facebook Friends
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He's dumped you...
But he's happy to leave you as his Facebook Friend.
Usually because, he wants to keep an eye on what you're up to! And guess what...It's no longer any of his business!
Whether you're still dealing with the heartbreak he left you with, or you're having a fabulous time with someone new, he has no right to know! You already have his email address should it be absolutely necessary at some point to contact him, and he has yours, so you have no reason to allow him (or anyone else who's online) to think you're still "Friends".
Breakups play with the emotions of even the most emotionally mature person. And allowing him to remain as your online 'Friend' will play with your emotions. Even if he hasn't updated his profile recently saying what a fun night out he had (The same night you stayed home alone in tears), if he simply puts up a new profile photo you can still feel a whole range of emotions, and could find yourself asking yourself questions such as - Where was he when this was taken? Who took this photo? Are they any Woman in the background? Did he put it up purposely to hurt me? Were some of OUR friends there, and I wasn't invited? Not exactly what you need to worry about at the end of your working day, and while you're moving on and trying to forget about him.
Soon you could also be coming home to Status Lines involving his new love interests. Ewww! And you don't need to be the kind of ex-girlfriend who leaves a smart remark on his profile like "Well, I hope you treat her better than you treated me".He'll know how to discretely 'pull at your strings' so save your dignity in advance, and just don't give him the opportunity to do it.
For some guys, keeping ex-girlfriends as 'Online Friends' is like keeping a 'Little Black Book' - So don't feel flattered that he hasn't deleted you. He wants attractive woman 'Friends' on his Contact List because it makes him feel good. It flatters his ego. Yes he's probably been collecting all of his ex-girlfriends, some even from years ago, adding them as 'Friends' to feed his ego! Or worse, to compare with the next girlfriend who comes along, but you don't need to be one of those girls! And what's worse, now that he's single you might see more ex-girlfriends popping up as his 'Friends' - even the one's he's bitched to you about!
There are guys who will still do this even when they've already found a new relationship, and they could be trying to prove to their ex-girlfriends that they're worthy - now they're found Miss Right - they want to show off, thinking this relationship now proves they've turned out to be a great 'relationship kind of guy' . Yeah right! He just ended a great relationship! And ending it means, he should no longer have the privilege of accessing your private information and photos, and any opportunity to upset you further. So do yourself a favour, and quietly delete him from you Friends List before he gets the chance.
HINT & TIPS:
- When you delete someone from your Friends, it does not show up in your News Feed.
- There's a button at the bottom left corner of everyone's Profile Page, allowing you to delete the 'Friend' from there. Alternatively click on the Friends tab at the top of the page, and when you choose 'All Connections' there's a button to the right which allows you to delete a Contact.
- For greater privacy, also check your Privacy Settings from the 'Settings' tab towards the top right of your page - you can adjust your settings to ensure they still can't access your Status Updates and Photos once you've deleted them
- You can also 'Block' a contact (either by their name or email address) if you want someone to appear totally invisible to you on the site (By choosing this option you automatically become invisible to them too. You block someone from your Privacy Settings page.
StricktlyDating
- Find new friends at: FRIENDFINDER
More From StricktlyDating:
- "ABOUT ME" Quotes For Facebook Status Lines
- Ex Boyfriend Quotes: What To Say When He's Dumped You?
- What I Do Not Want In A Boyfriend
- Alone - Lonely - Quotes And Phrases
- You Talk Too Much - Comeback Lines!
- What Causes Jealousy In A Love Relationship?
- Poem: This Is How Much I've Missed You
- Love Poem: Missing You
- Dating Poem: She Can't Hold On To Him
- So You Want Your Boyfriend Back? Do This One Thing!
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excellent. I recently had been dating a man casually for a few weeks and knew we really weren't the best match. Nothing was said, but we both stopped communicating and I noticed his FB status filled up with activities, meals he was cooking for his guest, etc. and I immediately removed him from my friends list. I knew what he was doing.
Now a few week more weeks have passed since then, and he left a message yesterday on the phone. I didn't pick up. Sorry, too late! Thanks for a nice article!
Thankyou both for your feedback, and best wishes!
sometimes we have to considered about this and think twice. But we have right to make decision if we felt uncomfortable.
Thankyou for your comment prasetio30, much appreciated!
Great hub...very interesting...I've become your fan now !
Thankyou samara!
I would just delete them. Don't get involved in the kiddy game with people. Use your head ;)
I should take your advice! Great job!
Thanks reportonlinescams and MyValentine, best wishes!
I unfriended my ex. Then he blocked me. Later he unblocked me but we're not friends. Both of our profiles have privacy settings maxed out. EVEN SO...he occasionally shows up in my News Feed! Explain that! I've seen when he's added a friend, when he becomes a fan (now likes) something and yesterday a photo album he'd just posted showed up...and it's a private photo album! (i.e. I, nor any non-friends, can see it from his profile page, but I can see it in my news feed, click on it and see all the pictures!!) If anyone can explain that I sure would love to know how this is happening. And I wonder if any of my stuff shows up in his News Feed!
Wow that's freaky! I haven't worked out how to hide my Fan pages in the Privacy Settings tabs yet. No matter what I adjust my Privacy Settings too it seems they always show up for others to view. It's also worthwhile checking each of your Application Settings to make sure your ex can't see you that way when you delete him from your friends. Thanks for your comment.
Yes, That is a wonderful way to put your past behind and move forward. One should throw away everything which reminds you of the ex boyfriend including gifts,greeting cards, mobile numbers, messages, mails and also remove them from friendship and networking sites.
I agree with you Anamika, thanks.
Just deleted a guy I was dating. Sure, I may regret it at some point, but it will save me some of MY valuable, precious time from checking into his status/friends/photos. I was too good for him, anyway, although I ignored that and let the asshole beat me to the punch and dump me (I was planning on doing the same, but in a nicer way). He always thought I paid too much attn to what was going on in his life anyway. Your article brought home the fact that the reason he has bunches of pictures of women is because it is feeding his insecure little ego. Of course, he may not realize that I deleted him, but then again he might. And then he will know for sure that I could care less about what is going on with him.
Well done T! And I'm sure he'll notice you have deleted him! Hope the next one you find is much better! ;)
Deleting him seems to be the best option if the relationship did not end well, or especially if he dumped you. However, I think if you guys remained on good terms, it's not really an issue because he still was an important part of your life.
i read your words and realised yes he added old girlfriends to his friends whilst we were in a relationship i see now that he was inviting his past back to show he can be in a nice relationship and it was going well in actual fact i probably going through the same torture that has been bestowed on all his ex's one of being with a selfish man who had no interest in their partners thoughts or feelings and only had a girlfriend for his needs i have deleted him because today i realised that it is ok for him not to like me and i dont have to pussyfoot round to ensure everyone is happy and no one dislikes anyone and we act like grown ups i dont care i dont wish him good luck i dont want to see what he is doing or who he is befriending i no longer want to spend my time like miss marple and be a facebook stalker go on meet someone else do what you want but leave me alone i am moving on ...
Fantastic attitute Livingeveryday, I really appreciate you sharing your experience and thoughts on this subject too. You're certainly not the only one who's been in this situation and it sounds like you are thinking straight and I was so happy to read your comment. It's his loss and I wish you much more for your future!
The only way that you will move on from a breakup is to stop all contact and spying on your ex, Facebook can make this almost impossible. It may be hard at first, but your decision to block him will be better for your peace of mind. If you are constantly checking up on him and will end up upsetting yourself even further. Great advice in this hub, most people mistakenly keep their exes as friends on facebook and it will only impede the healing process.
Totally agree with you! And thanks for adding to this topic!
I just did this a few days ago. My birthday was coming up and I realized that I had been holding out to see if he would post on my wall or continue ignoring me. How demented and sick is that! And freakin yes he added the ex he had been bitching about as a friend. So I unfriended him. On my birthday he sent me a msg so I know he knows I unfriended him. I was thinking of emailing him today but I am so grateful that I found this article first. He has done everything that you described, adding ex girlfriends and commenting on their walls but never on mine. And now he has gone and liked some dating site on his profile. I am so done and I don't want to check up on him anymore so I am going to block him. This is so hard but he hurt me and I was doing so well with moving on...
Good for you Girl_In_The_Photograph! And I'm glad you read this article as he seems like a classic textbook case! Well done noticing his desperate actions and unfriending him. And he was obviously checking up on you too since he sent you the Birthday message. Good for you for not being one of the ex girlfriends on his friends list ;)
I recently got cheated on and dumped but somehow still love him so much. I sound pathetic but after all the drama, i deleted him and blocked him. To my curiosity I unblocked him for a day so I could see all of his comments on our friends' wall. And our profiles are private to the max... To my surprise 15 minutes later I can no longer see his comments, so I guess he blocked me... Its all so much confusing and I know he couldn't care less about me. But why does it hurt so much? I should have left him in my block list....
Don't worry anonymouslover, for all he knows you were just updating your privacy settings. But you know it causes you more stress than what it's worth when you look through an ex's Facebook page to read their posts, it doesn't make you feel better. Let him block you. He cheated on you so he's the pathetic one, not you.
I just found this article. I'm having the opposite problem: my ex begged to be my friend, he even tells me he's glad we remained friends. He is dating a beautiful new girl. She's the complete opposite of me. We talk every few weeks so he knows I'm dating someone. Yet......he refuses to add me back as a FB friend? I tried! The fact is I know his new GF still has her ex fiance on her page. So I'm totally confused??? I'm not sure if he won't add me because he doesn't want to be reminded as to what I'm up to, or if he's afraid I might post negative comments? My ex is a semi-public figure and has over 2,000 friends. The fact that he says we're "friends" & he cares about me, but refuses to add me as an on-line friend?? Anyone understand why, a man who dumped me would be so eager to be my friend .....yet not on-line?
Hi Missie, Thanks for your comment. My best guess from what you said is - He's either not wanting you to know about the serious plans he's making with his new girl (Because he's also staying in touch with you). Or he doesn't trust that you won't comment on one of his status or photos about his relationship. Or the new girl knows your name and would be upset with him if he added you as a friend. In any case, it seems like he's just playing it safe online that way. At least you are not one of the people on his very long list. I don't know how you could stay 'friends' in real life with someone who dumped you and has a new relationship. I think there would be more worthy people of your time and friendship ;)
hi,I have been through a break up 6 months ago and it wasn't a long relashionship ( only 7 months) but i think we really loved each other after that something happened and i got upset so i broke up with him trying that he will try to fix things between us so we could get back to each other instead he showed me that he doesn't care i became super sad and that's when he decided to make me jealous by flirting with a girl on FB so i tried to do the same that's what made him,maybe, like that girl even more after that someone has ben sending me my EX's conversations with the girl and appearantly he really loves her;knowing that he promised to never be with someone after me; so i tried to get over it but everytime he posted something on FB i get really mad so i decided to unfriend him (onlya week ago) and now i am thinking of sending him a mesage where i can explain why i unfriended him!So please i really need your advice, should i send the mesage or not?!
Thank you so much,and BTW i think you're an amazing person and i think your advices are amazing :)
Hi Sarah, Thanks for your message and lovely compliment. I think you've done the right thing by 'unfriending' him. And yes you should send him a message. Send him a message to say that you still have feelings for him and you've unfriended him because someone on Facebook has sent you a copy of his conversations between himself and the online female friend he has. And just leave it at that, don't say anything more then, give him some time to decide if/how he'll respond to you, it's your best bet. Goodluck ;)
People just need to stop with all the silly games. As the article says, once you have split up with your partner (male or female), just remove them from your Facebook, forget about them and move on with your life. All this scorn and vindictive behaviour is childish and smacks of insecurity.
Hi Michael, thanks for sharing your point of view on this topic. Deleting your ex from your Facebook is a good step towards forgetting them and moving on. I appreciate your comment, thanks!
With my last relationship, I became a man hater... He made me the most insecure girl in the world! I hate him so much
Bravo! Finally someone gets it. The only way to move on after a breakup is to move on in every way. In the past, when you broke up with someone, if you were lucky, you never had to see them again. Why do so many today torture themselves by keeping up with their exes on Facebook? A friend of mine made a really stupid mistake, sleeping with his ex after he married another lady. He hated her then, hates her even more for ruining his marriage, and his ex wife hates him too. All because he kept his ex on Facebook! Knock it off and move on!
Thanks Mr Love Doctor, I love how you put it "Knock it off and move on!" - I appreciate your input!
Thank you! I finally unfriended a guy who I briefly dated and adored. I made a joke that was interpreted the wrong way and he no longer wants to talk to me nor respond to my heartfelt apology I sent him. Yet he still kept me on his list even though he has this grudge and doesn't want to communicate with me. He probably kept me to see what I'm up to or its an ego boost but it upsets me to see that he has added mainly girls to his friends list when it pops up on my newsfeed. After reading this, I learn not to wait in hopes that he'll forgive cause he's clearly moved on and I need to as well. Thank you for posting this!
Hi Uniquensimple, Thanks for your message and telling me about your experience. No answer to your apology, certainly deserves the be unfrended, well done!
I deleted my ex from FB about a week and a half ago and I told him it was because I was doing an injustice to myself by not getting over him. Being his FB friend was not getting me over him and it wasn't healthy. Tonight I get a message from him telling me that he's blocking me from FB... I haven't bothered him or kept in touch since I deleted him from FB. Why did he feel the need to message that to me? Was it his attempt (yet again) to make sure I still like him and that I'm moving on? He doesn't want a relationship with me, but I get the feeling he doesn't want me to move on either.
Hi HappyGoLucky! He's just trying to go one up on you; because you messaged him to say you're deleting him as a friend, so he's messaged you to say he's blocking you. Maybe he was offended by your unblocking or the message you sent about it, but more likely, by his reaction, he's just playing games (He's not totally over you yet if he's doing that). I think he's being nasty and trying to make you feel bad. Don't let him! Goodluck for the future and thanks for your question.
rebekahELLE Level 5 Commenter 2 years ago
"excellent. I recently had been dating a man casually for a few weeks and knew we really weren't the best match. Nothing was said, but we both stopped communicating and I noticed his FB status filled up with activities, meals he was cooking for his guest, etc. and I immediately removed him from my friends list. I knew what he was doing."
Haha ^ Troll
Now a few week more weeks have passed since then, and he left a message yesterday on the phone. I didn't pick up. Sorry, too late! Thanks for a nice article!
Thanks for your comment, and I'm glad you read this article and thankyou for the update. Good for you for being so savvy too!
Thanks a lot this post has actually made me feel better. I broke up with my boyfriend (just call him W) few months ago. I felt much better now and I slowly can cope with the pain, I was the one who dumped him anyway. We were still facebook friends weeks after we broke up and he suddenly messaged me asking if I still wanted to hang out with him as friends. That day I was so busy that I didn't even have time to check my facebook and I saw his message 15 hours later after he sent it to me. The one thing I found out he had deleted me from his facebook. At first I was so shocked and sad but now I thank God that he did it. I replied to him that if I'm not busy I'll be happy to hang out as friends as I don't want to have enemy and he's not a jerk after all. The next day (I'm assuming he had read my reply) he sent friend request but I ignored it until now
Wow, he sent you a message on Facebook but then deleted you as a friend when you didn't reply within a day. I don't think he's really ready to just be friends if you read into those actions, he sounds confused. In any case I'm glad you seem to have a level head about things and I don't think it's neccessary to accept his friend request. You said you've just been learning to cope with the pain of the breakup, so you don't want to get back into the situation where you're hurt by whatever his actions may be on Facebook. Thanks for sharing your story and best wishes for the future!
So i have known this guy for a year an a half now but he left me.he said we were not in a relationship n he dosent know what he wants. it really hurt me,everytime i try to move to move on he pops up n some how drags me back in n then come up with the same excuse that he just wants tobe friends,i really like him n he knows that. recently i got pregnant with his baby he didnt want n spent about 2wks inthe hospital due to a misscarriage b4 i went to the hospital i told him i had called the ambulance n they were on their way but since then he hasnt emailed or called to even check on me or to find out if the baby is still alive n its been almost a month.we friends on fb so i checked his page n found out that he had written on his co worker's wall twice checking on her but he didnt send me a single email to even check on his own baby. well after reading ur article i took him off my page.i didnt know wat else to do.i hope i made the right choice.
Hi Kay, I'm so sorry for your loss. That's such a sad story :( You definately made the right choice by taking him off your page so that you don't have to see the things he's up to while he's blocked you out of his life in such a cruel way. In tough times you learn who's there for you, and he was not there when he needed to be. Like you said, not even to check on you. I'm sure he has feelings about it but he's not prepared to be there for you and that says a lot about him. I hope you find a way to move forward and wish you all the best at this time too.
Excellent article and you are spot on...especially about the 'collection of ex's'. Sadly, FB has been the tool of choice for many who have passive-aggressive behavior. My ex husband wanted me to befriend him on fb, and though we are civil and cordial I told him, I didn't need to see his 'activity' and friend collection. I agree with you...whether you're over him/her or not, it can play games with your mind even if you're mature. I also think it's a way for him to keep his soon-to-be wife in check with a silent message: "See how many 'friends' I have...act right or else....it's sad and manipulative and once you realize this kind of behavior (even prior to facebook) you run from it at all cost. You have a greater worth than that!!! P.S. Because me and my ex were together for so long and we have mutual friends, I also requested they not give a 'report' or status update on what they saw on his page.~~~ Again....excellent article, voted up!!!
As soon as you break up with someone - break all contact! FB or otherwise.
Once you un-friend, you won't be able to delete any old posts, comments, or photos, you put on his wall. So, first use a tool like Exfoliate to purge all your old Facebook junk before un-friending him. He's also in control of the visibility of comments you've made to his posts ... he can make your comments visible to the world. All the more reason to purge all your old Facebook posts and comments from your friends' walls.
All of that is so true!!! My happiest day came when I totally blocked him...cause every time i looked for someone that started witht the same letter his name popped up and i got to see everything I didnt want to see him and other women so by blocking him I know nothing about him nor does he know anything about me like i dropped of the face of the earth and it will eat at him too.=))
Hi 2good4him, Thanks for your comment, it certainly seems like you've felt empowered by blocking him and just dropped of the face of the earth. Nothing like a bit of mystery! Good for you! Great attitude! Best wishes for the future :)
Here is my story he got back in touch with an ex who he has not seen in 20 odd year she added him on facebook. I was his younger woman (I am 26 he is 48) and I thought he was the one for me but he was avoiding my questions about her and started ignoring me, anyway he said he had feelings for me and this ex a few weeks ago. Monday night he told me that he was going back to her that he never meant to hurt me. I deleted him and told him I thought his ex was the oldest looking 42 year old I have seen which is true hope it all ends in heart break for him as that is what he deserves.
yup! I TOTALLY AGREE ON THE POST. seriously,my ex and i went on for 2years and when we broke up. we didn't end up on good terms because he got me pregnant and he wanted to abort the baby and all, even said that it's not his baby etc even invented bad things about me to my family. and he even swear at me. At that moment I was so emotional I didn't have courage to "BLOCK" him so it ended up wherein he BLOCKED me. NOW I made a new account everyone added me back even our Mutual friends. for sure he sees me on the news feed, so I am expecting him to block me BUT THEN HE DIDN'T he even posted a public statement for the next 2weeks. so when I found out that he hasn't blocked me. I BLOCKED HIM IMMEDIATELY. yes! It FELT SO GOOD seriously. his not worth it. Now I have a very handsome baby boy, and his not part of it! Its his loss because he is not a good person and he will never have peace of mind no matter how long it takes! For sure, he will not have a good life even if he has a family of his own. The Gift of Life is a blessing.
AND YES, whoever is the same situation as I had, BLOCK HIM. ELIMINATE HIM FROM YOUR SOCIAL NETWORK, FROM YOUR HEART AND MIND AND MOVE ON. they are not worth it. its always their loss!!
this all happened 10months ago and i just wanna share this so that those who are going through it just now, will be smarter to DELETE THEIR EX.
Well said Girlfromtheblock, and more power to you!
My ex boyfriend completely changed my life.. He broke up with me.. But now I'm over it! And I feel I can forgive him and move on. In order to do that I have the urge to add him on Facebook to kinda let him know I'm over it.. And even tho I should be mad , I'm not. It's been a year since our break up. But then again I don't want him to think in still wanting him. What should I do??
Hi Helga, please RESIST adding your ex to your Facebook friends list for the sake of your own happiness. If you feel the urge to try to 'prove' to him you're over it, you're still thinking about his feelings. He doesn't even deserve to know you're over it. Just let it go. If for some reason you have a need to contact him, by all means message him on Facebook if you have to but do not add him as a friend or accept a friend request from him. You would only be peeking into his new life without you if you did that, and it potentially could cause you further heartache, and if so he could delete you off his list at the flick of a switch and then it becomes cyber hurting eachother. He may also see a friend request from you as you still wanting to be with him, like you said. And you may not get a good response from him, if any. Why worry about keeping him on your list. Be dignified and just don't bother with it. He's in the past and you don't need to give him any further thought.
So there is this guy that I liked for a very long time. The thing is, he treated me like complete crap. He played the nice guy card and I believed him, but never put in any effort and followed up. He would go weeks without even contacting me, then suddenly call or text me expecting things to be normal. I felt he was always lying to me and giving me false hope. So about 2 months ago I was tired of being treated that way and completely stopped answering his texts. He never asked me why I was mad, only tried texting me twice, and so he obviously didn't care about me that much. We never technically dated. But it's been awful seeing him all over facebook. I think it's actually preventing me from getting over him bc I see pics of him with all these girls. So I finally worked up the courage to delete him and block him so he can't find me at all. Did I do the right thing? :/
Hi CountryGal, YES!! You DEFINATELY did the right thing. You know that he text you a few times but never called to ask you why you were mad because he KNOWS. He was playing games with you (Involved with other woman but wanted to see you from time to time too in a 'non-relationship' relationship). By deleting him from your Facebook it will help you to move on from him. I would say he'll eventually be in touch, but he doesn't seem like someone you should try to have a real and proper relationship right now. Best wishes!
Great job ! This advice I have used! :)
I’m so pleased to have found this page. I finally decided to delete a guy from my past and then spent the last few hours all teary debating if it was too drastic and coming to terms with it finally being over after a few months of not beig able to fully let go. He really didn’t deserve to be my fb friend but I still had feelings for him despite him treating me poorly. These feelings wouldn’t go away because seeing his fb action was feeding them – a continuous unhealthy cycle! We dated briefly when I lived in the same country previously and it was broken off just after I left to go home (the distance was too far). After nearly a year of keeping up some contact and then admitting we still had feelings he let me travel across the world to see him again with the hope of giving things another go and didn’t tell me he was having doubts until I had already left! (yes I had some other travel plans but he was a major factor). He was so excited when he first invited me to stay (texts, emails, calls) and suddenly something changed. I think he freaked out thinking I would just move in instantly or something!!! (which I would never do!). A few days in he said he couldn’t continue and then was feeling guilty and took it all out on me, making me feel like dirt. I now live about 3 hours from him. We’d stayed fb friends but with no interaction. Until I saw that he would be visiting a nearby city to where I live (20 mins) and it sent me into a spin! I’m not sure if he still looks at my profile, or even notices where I live but suddenly I was in a panic and wanting to 'bump into him' but at the same time knowing I shouldn’t want to!! My best friend told me it’s time to cut it off and supervised me deleting him. Straight after I was a wreck, I think I still had some little ounce of hope (or at least thought i'd some day get an apology) But now I hope I will finally be able to move on. I wonder whether he will even notice I'm gone?
Thanks for your message and I'm glad you found this page and found it helpful to your current situation. That's some journey you've been on with that relationship, and if I were you I'd be feeling exactly the same, and I'm glad you have a best friend who encouraged you to delete him from your Facebook friends list, because knowing he is coming to a city near you would certainly play tricks on your emotions no matter what he put up on his status about it. I wish you good luck moving forward, and I don't know if he will take time to notice you are really gone, but gosh I hope he does!
I am so Glad I got the chance to write. I had been in a relationship which wasn't realy great. At frist I was the one who asked him out but after a while with beeing together I realsed that I didn't even like him. That was my first relationship in my life. Then I moved on. But after 2 or 3 mouhts later I hared that he wants to be with me agine but I haven't hared that from him. Someone told me that then I said ok I mean whats bad about a new start but then a day after that that person told me that he haven't said that she jest made that up and that she told the samthing to him. I was so disaponted but after that we jest began by jest saing hi (we text to eachohter). Then after wards we started dating. After one date I brokeup with him (smoothly) cause I heared that he loved another gril. Then after ward like 4 moths later he says that wasn't true he didn't like another gril and that he dose want me to pass like I don't know him. He want to talk to me you know a new start. And now I am dating with him this monday. What am I supose to do. Is this real dose he want to stay with me or is it that he didn't want to get dumped? Pls tell me what to do!
Hi Don'tknowwhattodo,
If you think you'll have a nice time on the date you should go and keep an open mind. But it does sound like there's something which hasn't quite come together with you and him twice in the past, for whatever reasons. It seems like you like eachother, but previously it's been over before it's even begun, so I wouldn't be stressing over a new date with him, it may not lead to anything more.
My ex boyfriend dumped me because he wasn't ready for a relationship and he wanted us to be friends with benefits. I said no and he asked me another 2 or 3 times to be fwb and I said no each time. I blocked and deleted him from facebook. I was thinking about adding him at a later time. Do you think this is a good idea?
I like your advice!
My ex and I first friends. he contacted me as soon as i added him on Facebook (because we didn't talk all that much throughout the years)then we liked each other an did some things. then after we had sex, he's ignore me for weeks, then whenever i messaged him after those weeks, he would respond...then it'd happen all over again.after that, I decided to unfriended him since he blew me off (and not in a good way either. I kept telling him if I'm bugging, him, just say so. he never said anything. Then I asked him out after a month of getting in contact again (big mistake!)...the relationship lasted 4 days...(Even Kim Kardashian's marriage lasted longer...lol sorry, had to throw in that little joke) and then he broke it off with me and I was sad...then again! after 1 week, we messaged each other (though he still wasn't on my friend's list at the time) and we had sex.then again, he ignored my messages. then 2 weeks went by,and i messaged him. then i went to his profile and saw that...he has a girlfriend (they just got to together.)and then, he blocked me! and i felt so...angry, pissed and sad all at once. i was so depressed, that I didn't want to eat anything..and the very worst part? He's my freaking next-door neighbor!!! So even when i do try to forget about him..that, is a constant reminder.ugh! It's now a month later and I still have some feelings for him. I know every time we see each other, he always glances at me, and I don't know why... I'm almost over him. and then today, i stumbled across this article...and it made me feel better.
Not only did this article help me get over my ex more, but it also made me realize...that I'm single..I'm not tied down anymore..and I can do whatever I want and who know, maybe I'll find a real boyfriend.
and sorry for the ask of this question but...what does it mean when a ex glances at you?
Hi Marie, No I don't think you should add your ex back on your friends list. I don't think you have any reason to check on what he's up to, and he doesn't deserve to know what you're up to either. You've done the right thing there.
Hi BT, Wow! That's quite a story. But I'm glad to hear that you've realised you are single and can now go find a real boyfriend. Your neighbour was using you. He probably glances at you remembering the sexy times with you. But he can't have you because he doesn't treat you right. Letting go is the right thing to do for yourself in this situation. I wish you all the best for the future :)
the father of my child broke up with me when our baby was about 2 months. we had a very unstable relationship since my pregnancy apparently he begged me to abort the baby since she was not in his plans but i refused. So now the problem is there are some friends who feed me with information about him and that takes me to the vey same point i was 5 months ago and another thing is that am friend on facebook with people that are friends with him. i dont know if i should delete them or not because always when i try to comment i will get notifications that he commented on their status and that is killing me. And since friends told me about the woman he is dating now i find myself going through that woman s wall " because the woman is friends with myfriends" i am tired of stalking him or his private life just that i dont have the guts to stop. Please help.
Hi Linah,
It sounds like it would be a good move forward for you to update your privacy settings on Facebook and do what's commonly known as a 'Friends Cull'. Think of your need not to go back to the same point you were at 5 months ago and decide which friends you're better to delete. You do not want to, even by accident see what he is writing on other people's status. No matter what he says it's likely to play with your feelings. If you feel bad about it and any of the friends you delete message you about it, just explain that you decided to cull your friends list because it was annoying you to see your ex's comments on people's status and know what was going on with him and leave it at that. In addition to this you need to go to his and his new woman's profile and block their profiles. It's the least you can do considering how he has blocked you from his life. It would only take you a few minutes to do and it will be worth it for your own piece of mind. Sorry you were treated so poorly by your ex. People who are not good enough for you tend to not stay in your life long. Best wishes, and thanks for your comment.
Hi , i don`t know how to start but .. i really want some advice. There`s this guy that i`ve known for 2 months now .. we go to the same college i only see him on thursday tho.. he added me on facebook and we started talking, everything was fine .. i don`t know how but i kind of started to like him , and i told him that , he said that he` likes me too , but i`m too good for him but he wants to get to know me... i was like " okai , that`s normal", we talked for a few weeks then he asked me if i want to meet up with him one day and i said yes .. we didn`t meet in the end because it started raining , :( One day he was acting really wierd i mean he started to ignore me, after 3 days i sent him a message asking him if he wanted to have some fun..(only because i wanted to be sure that he`s not a player) .. he was like " are you thinking what i`m thinking " and i was like Yeah i want to make love to you , and i want us to become Friends With Benefits ..nothing more " he was happy about it ..he even asked me " but where tho , we could do it outside " so i guesss he was only looking for sex.. i told him that i lied to him in the end and he proved me that he`s a player and he`s only looking for sex and that i`m not an easy person.. he was like " i`m not a player blah blah blah , and i`m a virgin .. " i didin`t speak to him for 4 days ..i send him a message after 4 days asking him " wassup" he replyed by saying " i thought you hated me ,." anyway ... we started talking again.. i really liked him.. he told me that he really want to cuddle me .. and asked me if i wanna come to watch a movie afetr Christmas at his house so we can cuddle and hug but NOTHING MORE ,and we can start to get to know each other and go out everyweek and i said yes course , we didn`t get to meet because he started to ignore me , and he started flirting with these girls on facebook so today i blocked him on facebook , i don`t know if that was the right choice , i really like him... and now i`m gonna start college on Wednesday and on thursday i`m gonna see him around college ..:( should i look at him :( or what should i do ?:( Thank You
Hi Shannon18,
Well in the end he has proven to be a player. So maybe you were testing him out for a reason - But that seemed to be a game you played with him too (About being Friends with benefits). You've done the right thing by blocking him allowing you to begin to move forward, and it doesn't mean you won't get to take about it in real life at College. That would be the only way to resolve it, not by FB messaging. Best wishes.
So we broke up for seven months & got back together in December. We dated for two weeks & he broke up with me out of the blue over TEXT MESSAGE. I didn't text back. He changed his relationship status, so I did too. Then his profile picture to him & two other girls whom I don't like, & they don't like me. I didn't delete him, because I want him to see I'm fine without him. Even if it's not completely true. Saturday, the day after we broke up, he sent me a request in words with friends. I declined. Yesterday, I posted a picture of me in a cute dress for new years. He liked it & unliked it 15 minutes later. Then I get a message at 12:52 am saying "Hey" (on Facebook) and the same minute I get another message "Wrong person sorry" I'm no expert in Facebook, but it's basically impossible to mess up who you send a message to & he never talks to anyone via Facebook anyway. What is he trying to do? Piss me off?!
Hi J1217,
You are very awesome! I love it how you didn't bother replying to his text when he messaged you to tell you it was over, and didn't put anything up on Facebook other than changing your status. That shows you're dignified, and have a whole lot of inner strength! He on the other hand, has been acting completely immature and it seems like he's stalking your FB profile. He may have looked at your picture so many times that he 'accidently' liked it...He's kept looking at it and realised he's liked it when he looked at it the last time, so he's unliked it. I think he really likes that photo! I don't think he's trying to peeve you off. The photo of him with the two women is just him trying to make himself look good *It only makes him look like a jerk. Let him continue to play his little immature games and don't get involved in it. I suggest only reply to him if he actually calls to speak to you, otherwise ignore or even better - block him so that you're denying him of the pictures he likes to look at of you over and over...
This is such an awesome forum! it makes me feel so so good to read about people who have gained their power back and pressed on in times of heartbreak! Its quite inspiring!!!
I was in a long distance relationship ....it ended in Dec ....I just had enough of his lies and him talking about himself. I deleted him off my fb (he has so many ex gfs on his fb)I sent him a few nasty emails and he blocked me on fb! It was a very hard month especially when u have Christmas and new years in there. I've noticed he stopped talking to me last year close to my birthday (and started talking again after my birthday) maybe because he didn't have to get me anything. Anyways yesterday I was on my fb ....and saw him with one of his exgfs on her profile pic on fb. I at that time didn't know what to think .....I was mad but was also trying to make excuses up for him. This morning I woke up with a clear head and sent him an email saying I know it all! ...... And for once I don't have any feelings that he should come back to me! I mean I was trying my best before to have him back, but it seems like his fb is his little black book! I know he still creeps my fb because he has another fb account that he privitzes to the general public. To all those people out there be careful who u fall in love with! Cuz at the end that guy or girl might not be worth crying or worrying over! Live your life to the fullest and go with your gut feeling and not with your heart!
Hi Esha2, That's great advice to other readers. Sounds like he is truly using Facebook as his 'Little Black Book', going as far as even having two accounts. What a player!
Thank you! It was hard ...even today I feel that he will email me, but I know deep down nothing like that is going to happen! But I do know .....I can move on with my life!
okay, so i unfriended my ex boyfriend almost striaght after we brocke up. He, however kept trying to read add me until i bocked him. We are both living very different lives now, but I've kept the in box messages we sent between each other when we were both at boarding school. Athough I dont look through them to work out wht went wrong in our relationship I do like going back through to see all the happy messages. the ony problem is there are almost 2,000 of them, it takes ages to read through them all and im worried as a result im not moving on- (I was the one to dump him). should i delete them in order to fully get over him?
Hi Georgia, Thanks for your message. It's probably not a good idea to go over the happy messages - or any of the 2000 of them because it means you're still investing your time in a past relationship. It's not healthy, especially since you're moving forward in your life. I would spend one last time looking at them - only to delete them! It will help you get fully over him! Best wishes.
okay thanks for the advice, I realise this is the sensible thing to do. However, I was ounce told to keep "love letters"- does it make any sence to keep the more flattering ones?
My 'ex boyfriend' won't speak to me anymore and logs off of Facebook every time I log in and he is being such a bozo. The funniest thing is that when he asked me if I minded him dating other females, I said it was okay and he still flirted and sexted with me, even asking for nude pictures (what a creep!)and complains to me about how costly dating is, how he doesn't feel a connection with a new girl he's dating, etc. However, when I asked him if i should date, he freaked out and became passive and rude, hid his relationship status and stopped talking to me. I told him I was happy being single (but I think he needs an ego boost every other time and is afraid of commitment)and wouldn't be dating anyone for awhile. I still love him, even though he thinks that I shouldn't love him or that he cannot believe me when I say it to him. I don't know if he has now truly developed feelings for me and is playing hard-to-get,feels betrayed, or if he's really over me. What should I do?
If you are having difficulty coping with your partner's past relationships try reading I HATE HIS EX by Alex Cooper. I had loads of issues with my fiance’s ex and I have now resolved them thanks to the advice in this book! You can get it on Amazon! Definitely worth a read! :)
My ex bf told me that i will never get over him,,,what that suppose to mean?
my bf broked up with me and we had ups n downs,tried to stay friends but that didnt work,,,,we constantly added and deleted eachothers from fb. recently he deleted and blocked me bcuz he said i lov emyself too much, posting all the pic just so ppl comment how pretty am.we send nasty txt and it ended bt. for me the reason was random to delete me,i asked him y wont we try n stay friends? he said whats the point cuz it hasnt worked out and never will,i dont know wthat to do?? he is also moving away and startin new life .please ask me for more onfo if u want.and please help me ??what to do and y is he like that towards me??he said keep in touch(bt no on fb xuz im blocked n deleted) but thats it. i dunno what to think :((((
Hi Danah,
It just sounds like he's moving away and he is looking to make a fresh start. Your FB photos and comments bothered him, but probably anything you put up would, seeing your ex get attention on FB or even knowing what they're up to via their status updates can play with emotions, blocking you gives him a clean break. In any case he is your ex so he does not deserve to know what you're up to. Think about your situation you have said 1. He's moving away. 2. He's starting a new life. 3. He's blocked you from FB. It seems clear from this he is wanting a clean break and is moving forward with his life. I think he's done the right thing. A clean break always makes it easier to move forward. By saying "Keep in touch". It just means he'd be ok with you calling him or texting him now and then - But really, I think he's just being polite, it doesn't sound like his future is going to include you, so this may be a great time to realise you don't need to invest your feelings an emotions into the dead relationship any more and start moving on totally yourself. He's just not going to come through for you and any further comments or discussions with him is likely to just end up hurting your feelings.
What about if your boyfriend has been ignoring you for 2 weeks because he got hurt when I said I would stay home when he had asked me to come over because he really missed me and just wanted to cuddle me that night but I was too tired and he offered to pick me up if I was but I really just wanted some time to myself and even said I would see him the next day and cuddle him all day...we have been together for 6 months and he was always loving caring and vice versa...this is the third time he has ignored me over not coming to see him ..but this time this is the longest he has ignored me...I've asked him about 5 times if he doesn't want to be with me anymore to tell me or if he needs time to himself to tell me and nothing no reply...last time this happened he ignored also when I asked if we were over but said he needed time to self after I threatened to delete his number and off facebook... and it only lasted a week but this time he refuses to returns any texts...when before he was constantly texting me all day right up to that night...I know he felt rejected and it wasn't my intentions just it was late at night as he had just returned from his mums house but was tired himself but really wanted to see me...I feel bad about this and didn't know he needed me so much...he did say the next day that he has too many problems in his life he hates it etc he said he's no good for me...ad said he still likes me very much...and doesn't want to make me sad or unhappy but then starts ignoring for 2 weeks ??!!
I realise I've sent him too many texts almost everyday for 2 weeks apologising and just normal conversation showing how much I care for him...now I was thinking of deleting him from facebook and just moving on as I feel now he is on some power trip and enjoying me suffer like this...as this has hurt me I've lost alot of weight ...but maybe I am jumping too soon and need to create space for a week or 2 so he can breathe and maybe evaluate his feelings for me...and see what happens ? what do you think ?
This is a great article. I'm so happy I stumbled upon it. This guy that I was seeing slept with one of my friends. The night he told me how much he cared about me. He had the audacity to warn me to not break his heart and we made a packed promising we won't hurt each other. I was in the dark for so long, wondering why he stopped all communications. A couple of months later I found the truth out. I spent so much time analyzing everything and it nearly destroyed me. The funny part was I trusted him more than I did that so called friend that slept with him. I was at the stage where I kept going on his profile to find answers but It made the pain worst. I saw that he started to post more pictures with another girl. I blocked him because I couldn't stand to see him happy. The problem is, I unblocked him so we're officially not fb friends but he keeps his privacy setting on public. And whenever I feel curious or bored I go on his profile and he's been posting more pics with the same girl. I hate that this still affects me and he has his stuff on public! I could block him again but I know I'll just relapse and unblock him. I don't care about him or want anything to do with him but there's so many unresolved feelings/questions/business it's killing me. And that his FB is set to public!
Hi Anya,
I think you should delete him off your Facebook and start moving on. Your instincts seem right, it seems like he's on some kind of power trip, wanting to punnish you for spending an evening at home. Do your realise how unfair this is? You've apologised (Even though you know you didn't do anything wrong) and he's continued to give you the silent treatement (Once again) to hurt you (And it's worked because you're losing weight because of the way he's treated you). The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse. You could not let this kind of treatment continue if you wanted to continue a relationship with him, so even if you decide you want to do that at some stage he needs to know that the silent treatment is not acceptable behaviour to you, that it causes you stress and so by deleting him off your Facebook and continuing about your life as normal as you possibly can by ignoring his abusive behaviour is the most positive thing you can do. Delete his numbers from your phone too. Should he decide to contact you in the future don't reply if it's an SMS. If he calls you, then advise him that you've decided that you will not tolerate his 'silent treatment' as punishment for not spending time with him when he wants, and ensure you get an apology. You are being treated badly in this relationship. Don't buy into his self-pity about how he has problems in his life - it only matters when he causes you problems by treating you like this. It does not seem he's being reasonable with you and it doesn't seem like he's capable of treating you the way you deserve all of the time, maybe sometimes he can, but it seems like it's too much for him to treat you decent consistantly. My pet hate is the silent treatement, and I've found in the past sometimes it's because the guy is too ANGRY to be rational. No-one wants to be with an angry guy. Start enjoying yourself and leave him to lay in his own behaviour.
Hi Dazed & Confused,
I don't know what you're dazed and confused about. There doesn't seem like there's any reason to have unresovled feelings or business with this one (Unless of course you just never got the chance to tell him what a jurk he is). It seems simple to me, someone you were seeing and who you trusted slept with one of your friends after telling you not to hurt him! What a big time player! He said one thing, and he did another... Now you've seen by his Facebook profile, he's already with someone new. He doesn't need to explain all this to you, because you already know all the answers you need. He's sweet talked you and then gone ahead and hurt you. Do you realise how silly it is to invest your time wondering what he's up to now! You're investing your emotions into a guy who had the audacity to get on with one of your friends when he was involved with you! *BIG RED FLAG* This guy is bad news. Looks like he's having fun in his photos with other women, he'd be playing them too! Block him again. If you decide to unblock him in the future again, block him again afterwards. You will get over it because you will realise you don't get any rewards for getting involved with a player, there is no point, you've already seen what he's done, and it seems like he ran away real quick.
Hi everyone ....I was in a long distance relation and it ended in dec I sent him emails from cursing pleading and begging him none of it worked! I only got one angry email but nothing that he said stop with the emails! I found out later that he started seeing his xgf in nov explains why his emails were so less! Anyways I was supposed to go to this social party in his city, I later decided against it and told my brother to go if he wants. My ex and me both arnt on each others fb ....and we both have it privitzed to the extreme! But I was just checking and he has the profile pic as the social party and time place etc .....hes in this group so they are holding it, but none of the other team members have it up besides him. Most of his ex gfs are on his fb besides me .....maybe it doesn't mean nothing but .....I can't help thinking is the profile pic of the party with time date for me?
A bit confused :(
Hi Reena,
It seems most likely he's advertising on behalf of the group - Hoping that his current Facebook friends see it and decide to go. It could also be a back-handed shot at you, to show you he's still going, but more likely than not he's trying to get some of his FB friends to go.
Yes maybe your right! I'm guess I'm reading to much into it! I'm on a nc rule with him, if that will ever work ....I don't know!!! Wow this is hard! I fell for him really hard and he's going on with his life and the more I try to move on the more I think about him! thanks for confirming that, I guess I wanted it somehow for me ....so I know if he still thinks about me!
Hi there, I just want to say a big thank you for your article. It couldn't have come at a better time and has made me feel `normal` again! Basically there was a guy, we started seeing another a couple of years ago. It was fun, going with the flow and we did like another. However he's quite arrogant at times, came across as maybe I wasn't good enough. Months down the line I found out I was only ever thought of as ` a mate` yet still had contact, drunken nights ended up in bed together. Confusing and unhealthy! He knows I am a nice person, he isn't a bad person but he is definitely not good for me in that respect. I don't think its good for me to be around him. Apart from birthdays the contact ended last Autumn. He is with someone else and has veena checking-in to places a lot. I know it's unhealthy but I compare myself to her, wondering why I felt worthless and not her....silly as it sounds! I think too much sometimes which never helps :) but today I decided to delete and block, and I feel relieved. Thank you for your advice, and all the best to everyone else here :)
I appreciate your feedback, thanks and best wishes to you all too!
Hi, thanks so much for this advice. My ex dumped me a month ago now but I wasn't sure if I should delete him or not, and everything you said was true. He had already gotten a girlfriend a week later which was heartbreaking because he was really different than other guys but I thought wrong. I'm getting over him and I think deleting him off facebook will be the last step :) thank you so much!
I am so glad you wrote this article. My case is slightly different. We weren't dating yet. We are in college and the whole school knows we like each other. He would tease me and never let me date any other guy. On the day of my birthday, i confronted him. And he denied. It got so ugly and he hurt my feelings. He wrote a status update about me in a very horrible way. I deleted him.
A part of me regretted it. But i feel its easier for me to get on FB without having expectations or hope he will talk to me. A part of me hoped i still have him on fb. But now after reading this, its time to move on.
Until he was my friend, he would not date me nor let any other good guy date me. Thank you so much!
G'day SashaGerald, Well done! Wow he does seem like a tease, not wanting you to date anyone else but not willing to ask you out. Not good enough! You've done the right thing and it's his loss! Goodluck ;)
Hey,my gf broke up with me becz her ex boyfren(who was her bestfren too)wantd her to b away frm me. she frst broke off all her ties with him wen i asked her to but later on he persisted and she instead stoping to talk to him,she broke up witb me saying she lives me but her fren needs her more! We were very very serious about our relationship and were contemplating marriage. She then unfriended me from facebook(or maybe he did,he had her password,but she never gave it to me) and isnt replying to my messages on it! Tell me what should i do in this situation??
Hi heartfeltboyfried,
Don't keep trying to send her messages either via FB or text as you could come across as being annoying. Instead, if you need to tell her your feelings, call her at an appropriate time and speak with her properly about it (If she does not answer leave her a sweet message on her phone to tell her why you were calling, the kind she can replay over again a few times and she may decide to call you back after hearing what you said). Otherwise I think you should leave her to her 'non-boyfriend' relationship. Those are the kind that can go on for years like that but more often than not will not get to a serious point. You did the right thing, but she's not ready to give up her man friend yet, she's chosen him over a REAL and proper relationship with you. It seems stupid! Tthere's not much you can do about it though, other than telling her how you feel if she doesn't already know, and then leaving her alone. She may realise she's made a mistake if you let her be completely without you for a while, but at the moment it seems like she's not going to come through for you.
My ex dumped me 5 months ago, after 2 years together. We had planned to spend our lives together, but then he got a new group of friends and decided he wanted to be single for the next 10 years. He told me he's still in love with me, and the only reason we broke up is because we now want different things in life (me wanting marriage, him wanting to be single now). We decided to meet up about a month ago to catch up, and he was extremely bitter towards me (I have no idea why since he dumped me!). I finally deleted my facebook a few days ago, because I could no longer stand seeing him on there. It's very strange because he still has me as his main profile picture...he never changed it. It's a close up of him and me together, so it's not as if he can ignore it. Very weird.
Marianna that is just weird of your ex.
Me and my ex were never friends, he actually never told me he was on facebook and when i found out he was, he said he didn't add me because he knew Im jealous and i would be questioning any girl, or picture in there. Very infantile for a 33 year old. Anyway , he added me eventually but a few hours later, he blocked me. As yes, it was annoying seeing pictures of him and other girls when i was home thinking in him , wondering why he didnt call. etc. He was having fun . We were engaged for 4 years and it was great, then we broke up and for two years we kept an on and off relationship but pretty much together. I was hoping to get back and get married finally and start a family but he didnt want that and kept lying to me. So i got tired and one day we broke up, this was almost five months ago, we haven't been in touch at all, he never wished me Merry Christmas and my birthday was on Jan 30th and he never said happy birthday either. But... he still follows me on Twitter. I dont follow him and i know he started following me when we were together so its not like he has done it all of a sudden. Even though he doesnt use twitter that much he does update maybe every other week so why is he still following me and should i block him? i feel like in a way by following me he knows about my moves and has me controlled. Also he only follows about 70 people so defo my twitts appear visible to him. He only has 20 followers. I dont get why a guy who hasnt made any effort to contact me at all in the last 5 months despite the good excuses of christmas and birthday, and was never my friend on FB , follows me on twitter. what to do?
Hi Marianna, Did you delete your entire Facebook account?! I think you could have messaged him to take the photo of him with you on his profile down, but on the other hand why not let him happily keep it there as a reminder for himself of the beautiful woman he left! My guess would be if he's keeping your photo on his profile, yet being bitter towards you, he's probably keeping it up there to make himself look good - Either he thinks he looks very HOT in the photo or he thinks you do and it makes him look good. He probably tells the other girl 'friends' on his list that you're still good friends. Eeek! His bitterness is most likely because he thinks you'll want to pressure him to get back together, and get serious. He doesn't sound like he's going to come through for you, actually he's acting like a player. And good for you for realising it's annoying to see his Facebook account.
Hi MeryCZ, It sounds to me like he was either just wanting to peek on your Facebook profile or he saw someone on your friends list that he didn't want to know he'd added you as a friend, or he didn't want someone on HIS friends list to know he'd added you as a friend. Either way I think he's freaked out and decided it was safter to block you. He's fine to keep you on Twitter because his or your friends must be different on there? And yes! Since he blocked you on FB why not block him on Twitter! Afterall he can't be friendly enough to even wish you a Happy Birthday and like you said he knows your moves if he's following you! He certainly doesn't seem to be worthy of that.
Thank you so much for your response and advice. It's been very helpful to me. But yes, I did deactivate my account. Not permanently, but just until I can fully move on from this. My lack of Facebook has also helped me to be more productive, so that's bonus ;) :) I think you may be right about him keeping the photo of us. He was the most sensitive, amazing guy for the time we were together. It's crazy how people can suddenly change due to making a new group of friends. I never begged him to stay with me when we split, I just let him go with dignity, and told him it would be hard for me to be friends (never even called him once since we broke up). He told me he loves me (I know they all say that) and that moving on isn't easy for him...but then he got all cold to me when I saw him recently. He kept attacking the accomplishments I had made (i got a promotion since we broke up, and have really worked on improving myself :) He had also heard from mutual friends that I had been seeing someone else (very casual, and nothing serious. Just a new friend to go out to places with :) And he told me he hadn't been doing so well, but that "he had been so much more productive ever since he dumped me". He was so bitter, and it really hurt to hear him say that, but I just kept my cool and said that he's intelligent and I know that things will work out for him soon. He also kept reaching over and touching my arm and staring at me whenever I would look up at him. I miss him so much, but I would never go back to him, even if he did come back (which he won't). Honestly, I don't get him at all. I haven't spoken to him in a month though, and no longer have Facebook. So this should help me finally move ahead :)
Hey there,
So I guess I could use a little advice. I met this guy in University about a year and a half ago and after tutoring him to help him pass a course we became really close friends. I had a crush on him at the time, but at the same time deep down I had a hunch that he was only in it for physical reasons and I figured my feelings would pass. That became more apparent after I told him I had a boyfriend, and he made an even bigger effort to try and get in my pants. I never found a reason to dump my sweet boyfriend because I was genuinely happy, but my feelings for this other guy were growing. We tried staying friends but I found it extremely difficult and he couldn't seem to get over me either. But the more time I spent trying to be friends the more depressed I felt and insecure. I was in the wrong, because I knew I shouldn't be spending time with this guy. It probably didn't help that he always called me weird, made racist/sexist jokes, ditched me mid-conversation for "cooler" friends and drank like a sailor. While we were still friends, I had to endure listening to him blab about his "fun" and "crazy" drunk stories while he rarely asked about my life. Also, whenever his friends confided in him (some were about suicide), he would promise them he would never tell and then immediately turned around and told me. His reason? Because he "trusted me". It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't given me the suicidal person's name, and I think he only used it to inflict sympathy on me. I also think he told me all these things because he had nobody else to talk to because he felt lonely. After listening to him complain about his friends for a whole damn year he decided to block me from facebook because he said he couldn't handle seeing me anymore. I took it incredibly hard at first but it's slowly starting to pass. However, I'm still pretty bitter that he used me as a place to dump all his problems. This is not the first time he's tried to break up someone's relationship without feeling any remorse (this is the third time, but he couldnt break up mine), and I'm pissed I let my guard down and let him to do that me, and even more pissed that I wasn't strong enough to not listen to all his bullshit and just focus on my own relationship. My boyfriend and I are finally happy again and back on track, but when I think of the other guy I get all bitter and resentful and I don't want to continue feeling this way. How should I proceed?
P.S. I have some gifts that he gave me. I know where his truck is parked on campus and I'm tempted to just throw it all in there. However, I know that would be incredible foolish and would be seen as a stalker but I wish he could feel the pain that I went through regardless of how immature this is. Should I give the stuff back?
Hi Marianna, you sound like you've got a fantastic attitude! I'm sure you're destined for bigger and better things! Goodluck!
Hi WhatNow, Thankyou for your comment, it gets submitted for approval prior to publishing and wasn't deleted ;)
I think that the guy you had a crush on has vertually sucked up all of your emotions and left, wow he sounds like he's got some issues (Needy!), maybe it was a 'bad guy' kind of attraction you had towards him. He's played you but he's also done you a big favour by blocking you from Facebook and he's probably gone on to do what he did to you to someone new, and you're probably not the first female 'friend' he decided to block. I'm glad it's getting easier for you and your relationship is back on track. Sometimes it's dangerous emotionally trying to continue some sort of relationship with someone you're attracted to when you're in a relationship, you'll know better next time. I don't blame you for wanting to return the gifts to him, and you could put them in a box and leave them somewhere he'll get them but it will make you seem bitter and a bit mad, so it's probably a better idea just decide which ones you want to keep and throw the rest away! And continue to have no contact with him, because he seems like really bad news.
Hi... I was dating this guy for a little over 2 months. I felt like I finally found someone that I could connect with. He is a bit older than I was and he is what you would call "a loner and set in his ways". He also hadn't had a girlfriend in 10 years before me. He has a job as a fishermen & that meant that fishing = his life. When we were together, everything was GREAT. But he would like to be alone (or hang out a bar without me and get trashed). so I told him I want to spend more time with him. He agreed that we would make things work. I get an email from him breaking up with me. An email? to my work account?!? the day before Valentines day. He didn't delete me from FB, but I decided to block/delete him last night. I'm so hurt and confused. :/
H Revolver2727, He seems very cowardly, I mean an email dumping you the day before Valentines day! Seems like he decided it was too much to make an effort for a romantic Valentines Day suprise for you so he ended it instead, it seems like he prefers the single life and alone time over a relationship. Usuallly within 3 months of dating someone you see what the other person is all about, and this guy - as nice as he started out being - is unlikely to be able to come through for you.
I was going out with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years and he broke up with me because he said we argued too much and that I am immature... Now he's adding loads of people on Facebook, including a girl who he hated because she told lies about me.. Why would he add her now? I don't understand :/ I went from being loved to not cared about in a few days it seems and I'm confused! Any advice for me? :(
Hi StarsNRockets, Seems like he's the one acting immature, and most likely he knows adding all those people on facebook including the girl he hated is going to annoy you. So my advice to you is delete him from your Facebook friends! Let him keep collecting those friends, and not have you there. Of course you had a long relationship and it's going to take time to deal with the situation but while you're split up don't let him keep you on his friends list, it's only going to upset you.
I've been talking to this guy for a year now, we live thousand of miles apart and he came all the way to my country just to see me for two weeks. it was close to perfect, thing is we didn't really made it clear what our relationship is. Now its been a few months since he came here, we said that we will take it slow, but I can sense that whenever we become closer, he pulls away. And Im tired of his mind games. I can feel that he really likes me but he is scared. But if he really does, he will do everything to keep me right? But I cant put up with him being hot and cold anymore. At this point,I think I already moved on. But I just cant help but feel nostalgic whenever I see our pics together and all the random stuffs we talked and commented on. Should I delete him in FB? The only reason I dont want to delete him is cuz i want to play it cool. I dont want him to think that I am being bitter. I am really confused, help. :(
Hi Sickofit, It sounds like you just have a 'friendship' but your feelings may be more than this, if so he's going to be a time-waster, and you've already spent a year romancing the idea of him and are still alone, personally I'd save yourself from this confusion and delete him.
Hi:
My boyfriend and I recently broke up after a year and a half together. He said he felt 'trapped' by me and my emotions. We had been living together for about a year, so I moved my stuff out to give him space--and over the period of a month we finally figured it wasn't working.
Right after we broke up (less than a month now), he said he still wanted to be friends and that he "appreciates me as a peer." He also says he sees a visual of us ending up together (in his mind) in our mid thirties (we're mid twenties now).
Frankly, I don't understand. When we broke up he still wanted me to go on vacation with him and his family this summer. I have grown very close with them and we spend a lot of time together--but I am not comfortable with that. I still have very strong feelings for him and it would be strange for me.
Since we broke up we hung out twice as "friends." But the first time he hugged me really long, and hard as soon as he saw me. Then he held my hand. The last time we hung out he kissed my neck when we parted. I ended up telling him it was too hard to be "just friends" because I feel romantic towards him, so I asked that we please have no contact so that I can heal.
I thought that was good, but then I received a note in the mail from him about how he misses me and a song he heard that reminded him of me. Then he sent my family a "nice to know you all" but farewell card. The next day I received a card from his mom (who I love) in the mail, telling me that I can visit when I want to.
I emailed him thanking him for the card and wrote his mom back thanking her as well. I said I guess it's hard to be completely "no contact." He wrote back and agreed, and told me he was moving. I wrote back asking where he was moving to, and he hasn't responded for 5 days.
I don't understand why he is sending me these mixed signals. I don't understand why he told me he is moving and still hasn't emailed me back :/
I'm not doing anything but waiting for a response--but I don't understand why he hasn't written or if he's trying to 'string me along' (which he denies and I thought he was a more caring person than that).
Hi Oregon,
It takes a while to untangle from someone you were serious about and living with, there will be all kinds of emotions and mixed feelings as you sever ties, which is why you're getting those mixed signals from him, but what you've been doing and saying is right, it's too awkward to have a family holiday with your ex and to stay friendly at this point because he broke your heart, ended your relationship (Blaming you for it) but still wants some kind of friendship. He's not entitled to that. He probably doesn't know exactly what he's doing or if he's really going to move at this point so you shouldn't go waiting for an answer from him, but try to get on knowing that he is going to have his own plans now and it's best not to keep emotionally invovled in what he's doing without you. He certainly doesn't deserve to know about what you're doing and stopping all contact seems like the best thing you could do. It makes it hard that his family have contacted you, but they're probably just letting you know that they will miss you. If he does eventually email you you're better not to reply because you don't want to get emotionally attached to any decisions your ex may be making now without you. Focus on getting yourself together and chat to your friends to get out your feelings if you need to. Look after yourself. Best wishes!
Thank you stricktlydating. That's good advice--I think I just needed to hear something objectively from a stranger, in order to see what's really going on. I am too close to the situation now, so it's hard for me to see it for myself. Great advice! Thanks a lot!
Havent heard from my ex of almost 5 years since oct 2011, will i ever hear from him? i must say i do miss him and its been really hard but i haven't contacted him either. We were never friends on fb and i blocked him from following me on twitter as well as Linked in as when we were together he never added me on fb . I many times wonder whether he will ever contact, he never wished me merry Christmas or happy birthday last week. I was thinking of sending a general email to all my friends and include him casually but maybe i will regret this or he will know im just doing it to contact him indirectly? has an ex ever come back to you after 6, 7 or 8 months of no contact? i do think i meant something to him, we were engaged for a bit too. ah, im sad still
Hi Sarah,
Usually he'll come back on his own if he knows how you feel and has had time without any contact with you for a few months. He hasn't done this, but all's not lost. Yes an ex has come back to me even after 8 months. The way that it's happened is I've bumped into him out somewhere. Usually he will want to talk to me and end up telling me that he has some regrets giving me the opportunity to either say I feel the same, or a reason for us to contact eachother by phone later. So the best suggestion I can give you is not to contact him via email, but see if you can run into him somewhere. If that's not possible, or it's more convenient, I suggest you could give him a call and talk to him, just a short friendly call in the evening to touch base with him. This may get him thinking about you. But stear clear of SMS or FB / email contact while you are split up. You can easily be ignored/hurt or misunderstood and it may cause you further heartbreak. You may just need to open a real line of communication, sort of opening the door for him to spill any feelings he may still have for you. Goodluck!
Uf, similar story to Sarah. Havent heard from him in almost six months. He left a note in my house a few weeks after the split saying, he was offering me peace. At the time i thought after six years together i did deserve more than a simple note and some cheap flowers he left, so i never replied or contacted him. he hasn't tried nothing ever since. I thought by now he would realized he made a mistake but seems like he is having fun. I saw photos of him in parties with his arm around loads of girls and he even uploaded one onto twitter surrounded by two girls, hugging them. Which to be honest made me feel sorry for him as he did look pathetic , since a professional man in his 30's wouldn't just do that. He seems like he has started a new career as an independent entrepeneur(if he is doing well or not i have no idea but doubt it in this current climate, at the same time, i guess online he will just boast about how good he is doing) in a different industry and seems like he loves being part of the London member's club scene when as far as i know, last time i was with him six months ago, he was struggling. He was part of the member club bullshit in mayfair and now it continues big time. Sometimes i feel sad that our story ended so badly and that we dont even talk. How can he just forget me like that, ignore me, erase me as if i was nothing to him. Yes, i do wonder whether he will ever come back or contact me. i will not contact him, that i know. it's his turn to do so but after six months of no contact, is it time for me to move on? i still think one day he will appear out of nowhere and say sorry and my gut tells me that even though he probably has been with other girls, he is still a bit in love with me...
Hi Eliza, After 6 years together and now being apart, anything of his you can access on Facebook or Twitter relating to postings, photos, status updates or comments is going to play with your emotions. Change your settings/friends etc so that you don't have access to peek at his life online and you'll feel much better not knowing! In any case, just because it appears he's going out and has been getting hugs from other women does not mean he's in a happy place or that he's not thinking of you. If he had really moved on he probably wouldn't be out partying like that, and being photographed with two woman, he'd be at home settled down with just one. So, maybe he is still getting over your relationship too. It will take some time to untangle your feelings for him since you had such a long history together, but try not to invest your time and emotions into the dead relationship and since you haven't heard from him from 6 months, yes it's time to start to moving on. Life is too short! By the way leaving the flowers was probably his way of making himself feel better so that he could start to move on too.
Oh thanks for the answer, very clever your last point. We are actually not friends on Fb and even though he was following me on twitter, i blocked him so he probably noticed that. Ok so after 6 months of no contact, I do miss him and do wonder a lot about him and whether he will ever make the effort to contact me.
Recently a friend made a really nice video of pictures of myself which i really like. She put it on you tube and i was thinking of sending an email to him so that he can see the video with my pictures. I will obviously pretend that im sending this video to all my contacts and friends in yahoo.com and will write a general email saying please wtatch and share this video made for me by my dear friend, blah blah
something he thinks it is going to all my contacts when in fact it will just go to him.
Do you think he will notice i am sending this to him on purpose and to make contact? im hoping he thinks im sending a mass email and that i may have not even notice i was including him. What do you think, is this a good idea or just a step back in my path to recovery? will he notice this email is just intended for him? In a way, im proud of myself for not contacting him at all in 6 months(he hasn't either )
Hi:
Hello, I just ended a relationship of two years on FEB 20th. We were the perfect couple and never really had doubts in our relationship until about 6 months ago my dad suffered a heart attack and then passed away a month later :( Ever since then we've been having problems. Im not really sure why but i soon realised how alone i felt in this. I never felt he was there for me to support me through any of it at all which I'm still trying to get over. It was very minimum effort and when my dad passed i texted him and he didn't even call or drop everything and come and see me. I dunno i just felt very disrespected and alone when I didn't know weather my father was gonna make it or not. I mean after two years of being with someone i expected so much more from him ( especially since he always seemed to be the perfect boyfriend) , i thought he would be comfortable 'supporting' me. When i confronted him about it he said he thought it was a good way to make me stronger for my family by not being there and that i need to TELL him WHEN and HOW to be there. Really?? Shouldn't you just know as a person what to do, its like instinct. Anway as a couple months passed I guess resentment grew and everything he did annoyed me. recently he started to 'like' girls photos on FB that he didn't really associate with everyday. if it were friends that were girls that I knew about then I wouldn't have minded but yeah i thought it was a very disrespectful thing. One day he was late meeting me up and I snapped and had enough and broke it off with him. He didn't come running back. He just said 'I'm sorry, i'll love you for the rest of my life..to be fair i broke up with him to see if he'd realise that he should make more of an effort with me seeing as I'm going through a hard time with my mom finally coming into remission from cancer, my dads sudden death, and my 23 year old sister currently fighting breast cancer. I desperately wanted his effort/ support to comfort me and I never got it. After the break up he sent me texts saying ' how r you' ….'some of the best days of my life were with you, you have a beautiful soul, i hope your doing well' and 'i miss you'….he sends me all these texts, but why bother?? becus when we finally talked on the phone a few days later about the break up he said he didn't want to work it out, but 'sometime' he did… what??? none of it made sense? && he said he didn't want the 'commitment anymore' ?? This has come out of nowhere. I guess the he didn't want the commitment of having to be there for me cus i nagged him so much about it :/ I just think thats disrespectful to leave someone you supposedly love in a place like that. Thats not love to me. How do you perceive this? He said he needs some time alone after two years of being together, some time for us to 'grow' …i asked if it was cus i nagged so much he just couldn't be bothered, and he said 'well i didn't want to say like that but kinda yeah'. After i respected that he didn't want to work on the relationship I told him i wanted NO communication becus it would be harder. He said OK. but then he texted me on my birthday on the 8th of march, i said nothing as a reply, he texted me a day later asking me if I was sure i wanted to have no communication, and that we could see how it goes and not get to caught up. I said nothing in response to that text. Then a day later after that he texted one of my girlfriends whom he hasn't spoken to in 8months to ask how was my birthday etc. I said nothing…. On his birthday, a few days ago… 18th of March i didn't wish him a happy birthday. I don't see the point in it. I deleted him off my Facebook. However my mom and older sister are still 'friends' with him on FB and its so tempting i always find myself logging in there account just to look if he's said anything. he also has a twitter which i don't have but its not blocked so i can't help myself but look every hour or so to see if he's updated his twitter! Unfortunately by deleting me off his Facebook i feel like I'm doing him a favour. he can prob move on quicker! but me, I'm still able to look at his twitter! & it stresses me out seeing what he's up to. I feel like i should let him see what i am up to on Facebook just to let him sweat it a bit too! i don't know? I want to stop looking at his twitter but its tempting as its public settings! Should i get my mom and sister to delete him off Facebook too? What do you think of how everything ended?it confuses me.
Hi Mia,
I'm sorry to hear what you've been going through. when the going got tough he just wasn't prepared to step up and support you, even after being together two years. It's no wonder you feel so hurt! The one closest to you would not step up and be there for you, infact he tried to make excuses at first for why he wasn't by your side. Sometimes you think you know someone and something happens which shows you a completely different side to them. That's what I think happend to you. It's no wonder you felt like you were nagging him when all you wanted was some support through some hard times. In a way I think it's good you found out he is like this before you got married or started a family. I would definately ask your mother and sister to delete him off their friends list. And also tell your friend not to reply to him if he messages her again. If he really wanted to speak to you he would pick up the phone and do it. Sending texts is just a cop out, weak and you've done the right thing by ignoring them. I wish you all the very best for the future.
Hi Eliza,
You could do that, for your own thrill, but if you do it, do it knowing you are very unlikely to receive a reply for him. I think, if the pictures are lovely, he has no right to see just how lovely they are, because he's undeserving :)
Hi Stricktlydating:
I just started dating this guy who I really like and am attracted to but I want your input on a few things. For starters, our first real date was to go up to a cabin and spend the weekend in the mountains with him and his friends. I knew this guy from high school and we had recently reunited and that's when he invited me on this cabin trip. We were not officially going out at this point (both single) and we had fooled around a bit. We continued talking and hanging out after that (not just physical) and then he asked me out one day over the phone. But I thought it was weird how he brought it up. He said "I just want to let you know I've been talking to this girl Megan and I haven't told her about you yet because I don't know what to say we are." I said "well, what do you want us to be? do you want to date me?" He said "yes". And so we were dating. But within an hour of us announcing our relationship on Facebook he wrote a comment on some other attractive girl's wall that he liked her haircut and wanted to visit her at work more often because of it. When I asked him about it, he said the girl was a waitress he knew and it was a joke because her head was shaved (since she was anorexic and had fainted and knocked her head open, she needed surgery).
I didn't know what to think... I really like him a lot--are these signs to worry about or should I just move on and forget about it? I feel stupid getting worked up about stuff like this...especially because this relationship is so new and he is such a nice guy (calls me every night, visits me when I live and hour away, introduced me to his family right away...)
Hi Lisa,
Thanks for your message. His comment on that girls haircut, seems innocent enough on it's own given his explaination...OK, the part about wanting to visit her at work is going a bit too far, but he's dating you, and you've made it public so you do come first with him. But bear in mind dating someone is usually seen as the period of getting to know someone BEFORE you decide whether you want to be in a committed boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I don't feel you're there yet. You have just agreed to date. If you changed your status to 'In a relationship' though maybe it's more serious than what I'm thinking? I'm thinking he thinks you are not in a relationship but have agreed to date, because (Maybe all in the space of an hour) he's telling you about his other female friend Megan (I wonder about their involvement with eachother because he admitted that he decided not to tell her about his involvement with you) and he says that he wants to date you and then he compliments on another girls status and flirts about wanting to visit her... Hmmm. When you put this all together, it doesn't seem like the actions of a man wanting to get serious with you, it sounds like he's been involved at least emotionally with other women and not neccessarily someone you should want to get serious with (The actions of a player), but I don't know all of your history or what he's written on your wall/photos to make up for his contact with other women. Better have written something very sweet ;) He may be a nice genuine guy but you'll probably want to talk to him about your feelings about his online activities especially if you decide to start a committed boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I mean, the way it is right now is enough to give you a bad vibe. And the worst you could do is act all cool and say nothing and continue to read what he writes on other womens status/photos etc. He probably doesn't know he's doing anything wrong, because of you not being committed as yet (?) So if you let him know it gives you a bad vibe, because you don't know these women, then he might tone it down a notch, so you don't have to feel paranoid. Also bear in mind we all use Facebook differently (Is he an old friend who you reconnected through Facbook with? It may say what he's using it for) and some people will comment on any status or photo that their friends upload, just because they can and it doesn't mean anything, it's just what they like to do. I'd be more worried about his involvement with Megan. Has he been dating her too? Hope you've got that sussed! You don't want to feel like this when you're just starting to get to know someone romantically, so pay attention to your instincts if something doesn't feel right, then it's probably not. But no need to run just yet, he has the benefit of the doubt! Goodluck :)
Hi Stricktlydating:
Thank you for your response--when I reread what I wrote I realized I left a few details out that may help clarify this situation.
Him and I were aquaintances from High School (not close friends, just knew of eachother). Same with him and Megan.
We 'reunited' (really met) on a biking trip with high school friends. Him and I biked alongside eachother and talked for hours. That's how we connected the first time and that's how he asked me on the camping trip as our first date.
The day after that biking trip, he went to a wedding with Megan. She lives out of state so she flew in to be his date for the wedding of their mutual friends. At the wedding they went off and talked together and then they made out at his house. He said it was overall kind of awkward.
When he asked me out he had said "exclusively" and I forgot to put that in there originally. That's why he was going to tell Megan about me, now that we were in an actual relationship.
His connection to Megan was the wedding, the making out, and they would talk on the phone mostly about her boyfriend problems. He has occasionally helped girls with their boyfriend problems in the past.
Even though she's far away, it still kind of bugs me that he talks to her about that. He says they also talk about movies and music they like and that she's just a friend.
I don't know, what does it sound like to you? Should I be concerned--or is this normal and I'm overreacting?
The one night while we were out, she texted him asking "is it ok to talk?". He showed it to me and when he asked her about it later she said she just wanted somebody to talk to on her drive home from work.
What do you think? Is she just a friend? Is it normal for a guy to talk to his girl friends about their dating problems?
I don't know what to think at this point, I'm so mixed up.
Hi Lisa,
That makes things clearer. I think Megan is a bit out of line texting him now she knows he's in a committed relationship. She has to realise she can't do that anymore. You probably only need to let him know that it's going to make you uncomfortable now you're in a committed relationship if he continues to reply to her messages (And to bear your feelings in mind when he makes comments on Facebook on other girls profiles/photos) that should avoid hurting your feelings. Best wishes!
Thank you-- I guess all I can be s honest at this point and see what happens.
Hi, I just wanted to respond and say thank you for your message :) I have seen his true colors, how hurtful to know he would just give up when things got tough. Im coping, some days are easier than others. Any suggestions on how I can stop looking at his twitter even though its public? Its all I do, even at work when i have a second I reload the page on my phone to see if theres anything new so I can see what he's up to. I feel like its holding me back. I want to stop looking but its just so tempting! quite sad really :/
Hi Mia,
Thankyou for your message. I'm glad to hear your coping. Regarding Twitter, you probably just need to try to restrict your access to it until your feelings have settled down some more. Try turning your phone off during the day, taking the Twitter App off your phone for a while, or somthing like this so it's not so quick and easy to access. Wishing you all the best.
I know this is true but theres something going on , once of the break up he blocked me , i was like what the! but then i talked to his friend and I sent her a message stating to tell him that what he did was not nessecary . Ok fine she gave him that message but then he unblocked me and sent me only one single message saying Heyy... But the point is he unblocked me but he didnt add me as a friend on fb so umm whats the point in unblocking if he dont talk to me or nun . But this artcile has hepled me alot only that I miss him and i felt something real special in me that he gave me . So now i really dont know what to think.
Hi Mara, Your 'Heyy' message from him was probably just his way of showing you he agreed to unblock you (If it was hurting you so much) but he hasn't added you as a friend again, because what he does now he is split from you is his own private business, and it's good that he hasn't added you back because anything he puts up will affect your emotions in some way so you don't have to see what he's up to now, and what you do is not his business either. It's a good thing as it helps you get over the relationship quicker. You don't want to be tied to your ex's on Facebook, it's like splitting up and still having regular contact, eek!
This article is helping me deal with a fresh 'delete' as of yesterday. I was befriended by a guy who I met a couple months ago as he was traveling around the world. We kept in touch via FB, with his emails of his adventures and little anecdotes becoming increasingly nicer than the last. Finally, once he went back to his own country after his travels, I decided to go see him. He was happy. We had an great time together. But then, after a week or so of my return to my city, he has been sporatic in his contact. Then, a week ago after I rang him and he said he was driving and he'd ring me when he got home...I've heard nothing from him. It's been a week and two days. I've been torturing myself and getting quite a bit of flack from my girlfriends for not at least trying to contact him again, but I had to delete him from FB because I was torturing myself by scouring his wall for any clues. Am I wrong for simply opting out without a word? Isn't his disappearance indication enough that he does not want to speak to me? Isn't silently deleting him from FB without waving a flag and beating drum a dignified - and very effective - way to move on? I'm sad and it took a friend coaching me on the phone to click 'are you sure you want to unfriend' but it's now done and I - at this moment - feel relieved. Maybe he will write me a long letter professing his undying love for me and that he was AWOL because he was 'thinking' things through, etc etc...but I think his silence is indication enough...Maybe I'll feel differently in a few days, hours or minutes. :(
Hi Faerie, You've done the right thing! Claiming back some power and control over the situation where he left you none. It's a positive step yes. And you're right he can explain himself at any moment in the future, but at the moment, take his silence and reluctance to call you back as the indication you need, like you said, to start moving forward in a dignified manner! You're treating yourself right! Well done :)
Samantha Red 2 years ago
I highly recommend your advice. Deleting sounds like the best option!